Good News And Bad NewsThe Good News is, that Graduation tomorrw.
The Bad News is my Tio Chencho died...early this morning, at 3 [A.M.].
I was never really close to my uncle, but I did love him very much...The last time I saw him in a long time was just yesterday. And today, this morning i find out that he died over the answering machine at 5 A.M. And knowing that...hit me really hard. Yesterday, seeing him lying there...motionless...unaware of everything around him....i heard my dad talking earlier today about when he was with my uncle yesterday...he said that the last thing my uncle said...was his name....after that he had been in and out of conciousness....nothing but a vegitated state.
I'm excited to graduate. Exited, scared...it just seems so surreal to me...I've planned a party at my house after graduation, invited all my friends...but now i'm starting to think that they wont go to it....i know i shouldnt really care or not...but...still to me it means so much to me...to think that they even care... i need to feel that they care...It's just so simple....just....and hello goodbye show...but of course...i just put too much trust into the people i concider friends...it seems like i can never depend on anybody. And they wonder why I dont have many friends. that's funny isnt it. My 'friends' wonder why i dont have many friends.
I dont know if its death ridden depression or what, but this does seem to happen to me alot. Can anybody tell me what i'm doing wrong? So I can stop, so everything can be alright. You may not even care right now, but I've been crying through out this whole entire thing.
I just want to feel appriciated. That's all. It seems that the only people whole seem to care are Will and Katie....but then again they are the only people that I've really talked to...they are the only people who seems to appreciate me...but even sometimes i doubt that.
But all I can say now is-- i can't wait until college starts. I can start everything fresh...Begin a whole new life. Make more friends...If i can even do that.
Also, I'd like to thank anybody who has read this...It really does mean alot to me...you have not even the sightest clue....Thank you. But please...show that you care in person...but i mean really show....Don't say that you'll pay me back sometime...and then just use me to your advantage again. Yes I know I seem to walk right into it by offering...But thats just who i am...but maybe i should just stop...let you fend for yourself.
Devious Comments
I do appreciate you, I don't know why you would doubt it. well, I doubt my friends care about me either, but I just tell myself I'm stupid and that they do. sometimes they prove me right, soemtimes they prove me wrong. don't stress yourself over this though. your friends will be there, and I can't be there, but I will try to make it to your birthday if I can. I don't know what else to say...so I'll just leave it at that.
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"Engineers and builders create the world we live in; designers and artists make the world worth living in."
and i know exactly what you mean. because i feel the same way! right now! i don't feel appreciated ny my close friends either. seriously, it's like they'd blow me off for anything or anyone else. and that's my "close friends" yeah, so i know. i wish i had the answer to know if you did something wrong but i don't know if i did something wrong either. i don't know if theres a way to know. the only actual close friends that havent blown me off are you and rini. but that might be just cause i havent spent that much time with you guys.
well in anycase, i'm sorry i couldnt go to your mparty.
just try to understand that most people had to go with their families. that's why i'm having mine next weekend. of course if you still feel unnoticed, i'll understand if you don't come.
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We're buried under our lives...
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"If I were a better person, I'd ignore her and go on with my life. But I'm not."
Just to make things clear, for me, you haven\'t done anything wrong, you\'re a good friend.
I just need to remind myself that other people actually have lives, unlike myself, lol.
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Only safest place in the world is in your mind, but then again that can be misleading.
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Only safest place in the world is in your mind, but then again that can be misleading.
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Only safest place in the world is in your mind, but then again that can be misleading.
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"Engineers and builders create the world we live in; designers and artists make the world worth living in."
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